Siblings

One child demands attention, while the other one needs it. As a parent, how do you balance your time with each of your kids without making one feel pushed aside for the special needs of the other? At first, I felt like this is what I was doing --- pushing one child out of the spotlight, while bringing the other one to the forefront. But, what I have discovered pretty quickly is that I just need to involve both children in the experience.

Sometimes Katie comes to John's pre-school class with me. She can participate in most of the group activities, such as circle time, snack time, and make her own project. They just let the 'big' kids know that the little kids have to go first. It's a good lesson for anyone, but especially for those that always want to be in the spotlight.

I let Katie be a part of the in-home sessions with John's teachers. John has also qualified for services in the home - 8 hours a week. A teacher comes into the home, using play therapy and "floor time" (sitting on the floor and playing in John's environment, allowing him to dictate what they play). Katie, now 4 years old, doesn't completely understand why John gets a teacher to come and play in the house. I encourage Katie to be a part of the session, although at times, she can tend to 'run the show'. I allow her to start with them and then pull her away to play on the computer or read books with me on the couch.

I set aside time with each child to do our "work" in the home, where I pull out my bin of toys and work with them on different skills. Many of you may think that they are having to "work" too much, but seriously, they love it, and it is all just play---doing puzzles, stringing beads, matching colors, building blocks, etc. They love the one-on-one mommy attention, as well as the special toys they get to play with.

Katie's activities are structured different from John's. she has 'tasks' that need to be completed following a series of directions, whereas John's goal is to increase his attention span. For Katie, I have puzzle cards that are opposites that she has to match together, she creates patterns when she strings beads into necklaces, we do projects (on Tuesday we made a rainbow), and she makes geometric shapes from other shapes. Katie's work is more about the skills---working with scissors, creating a project, understanding a pattern.

For John, he needs to build an 8 block tower before we can put the blocks away, he has to string at least 3 beads before moving on, he has to finish the entire puzzle, he has to put all of the shapes into the shape sorter before he gets bubbles, etc. It's not only the specific skill that he is learning, but also about sticking to a task. When we are working on flash cards, it's more about "just two more" than it is about what he's learning. The flash cards are about recognizing objects and increasing his speech as well, but completing the task is the ultimate goal. Once he completes things, the sense of accomplishment is taught, and he begins to initiate the task on his own. The other morning, I was having a hard time getting out of bed and John was running around my room. It got quiet, so I thought I better go check and he was in my closet with the box of work open and he was string the beads on his own. He had 12 frogs on his string! That right there is a success! When John takes the time to slow himself down, he learns. The last two years, he hasn't slowed down enough to learn how to do things right.

Katie is always wanting to help John. This week she has told me she is teaching him to get dressed by himself. One day she told me, "John's talking now. He's really talking". I have even caught her telling him, "look in my eyes when you say that"!

Siblings should be a part of the early intervention. The whole family needs to be a part of it. Although the classes and therapy are the foundation for John's developmental success', family life is where it all has to be reinforced.