"Out of Sorts" days

John has had a day where he has just been "out of sorts" since he woke up.

Days like this include clingy behavior, accompanied by crankiness, and "oh no" quite a few times. Everything seems to set him off. He doesn't listen well and doesn't seem interested in anything. He'll ask for one thing or another and then be upset once it's given to him. He doesn't eat well and sleep doesn't seem to change his mood. "Good" moments are less frequent throughout days like this, but are present in between the whines and cries. Most of the day, he's hanging on my back, if I try to sit on the floor with him, climbing on my lap if I'm sitting in a chair, or putting his hands under my armpits and pinching, which I move and it makes him mad and irritated.

On days like this, he cries, not like a tantrum, but like he's sick or just doesn't feel well. It's days like this when you find reasons to explain away the behavior. You think that he "might be coming down with something" or "his head might hurt". You might tell someone that he seems "tired today" or simply that "he isn't happy". You find yourself thinking he needs another nap and try to lay down with him, but he cries inconsolable. Sometimes it's an angry cry, then it's a sad cry, and then it stops. You hold your breath and don't move, thinking that he might actually be falling asleep. 30 seconds go by and the crying comes back. You try to stay calm and sing songs. You tell him it's ok and continually say "shh". Then you just hold him in silence, hoping the crying stops. Sometimes, it's too much and you call in for reinforcement so you can get away from it.

Whatever the reason, these days are hard to get through. It reminds me of how it used to be, and how it still is. On days like this, it feels like a set back and you question the progress so far. When the schedule isn't busy and we aren't going from therapy session to therapy session --- when we have a full day of "doing nothing", or running errands, or hanging out, these days seem to creep in. It's hard to stay calm. It's hard to find understanding. I feel tired and need to get away. So, Daddy takes both kids outside. I'm glad I'm not alone. The support of those around you is so important when you hit days like today. It's days like this that if someone tried to tell me that nothing is wrong with John, I might throw something.