Open Doors - Your Child is Not Broken

Earlier this week some friends of ours took us to an Open Doors Presentation.  The topic was "What is Asperger's/High Functioning Autism".   The presenter was a local representative from SELPA and gave the attendees a wonderful, welcoming evening.   Many parents were there and shared where they were on their journey.  Some had just received a diagnosis, some were suspecting that their child may have Asperger's, and some had "almost adult" children with the diagnosis.


The reason people found themselves at the presentation was different for everyone.  Some were there because they had not found support in their families, communities, or even with their current medical circles.  Some were there to learn more about the diagnosis and ways to help their children.  Others were there to find companionship with others who were going through the same thing.  Even others were there because they wanted to guide and help other parents who were just beginning the journey.


While I found the presentation wonderful, I also enjoyed watching the other parents become enlightened through the meeting.  My husband and I have already hit the point where we realize that our son is going to be ok.   He just learns in a different way. There is nothing "wrong" with him and he's not "stupid" or "unteachable".  He just needs to be taught differently.   The acceptance and realization of this really sets you free as a parent of someone on the spectrum.  It is so important that as a parent you relax a bit and let your kid LIVE.  Sure, there are going to be some tough days.  Anyone who has been the parent of someone on the spectrum understands that BUT.... you have to realize how many wonderful days you have, what a blessing things kids are to your life.

For me, I hit this realization in February 2009 when I miscarried at 21 weeks.  I didn't naturally go into labor, but when the baby stopped moving, I knew I wasn't pregnant anymore.  I had to go into the hospital and be induced to deliver the baby.  It was the most pro-life experience I ever had.  Yes, it was tough. But, I learned how fragile life is, how big that baby was at only halfway through the pregnancy -- and yet so tiny---, and what a blessing each life is that we are entrusted with.   My journey with my son changed at that moment.   It was not the burden it had been the prior year.  The questions of "is he" or "isn't he" went away.  It didn't matter anymore what the label was.. he was my son and I was going to help him find his way.  He was MY blessing.

For me, Open Doors didn't represent a support group to realize that my son is going to be ok.  For me, this presentation made me realize what I needed to "gear up for battle" in the developmental struggles that will lie ahead.  We touched on kissing, dating, the "sex" talk, masturbation, whether to tell your child about their diagnosis, and learned to laugh together.  Being a parent of a child with special needs still involves parenting your child, but looking at it from a different perspective.  As a parent, you know your child best and you can find the best way to help your child survive in this world.  Your child is working really hard all the time and sometimes you need to remember that he/she is still a child.  There are bad days with "typical" kids too.  Our kids are put under a microscope and every behavior, word, utterance, and movement is studied and the diagnosis is to blame.  However, we as parents need to realize that these kids work HARD, are smart, and may need to learn a bit differently from others, but they also need to be allowed to just be a kid.