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Earlier this week some friends of ours took us to an Open Doors Presentation. The topic was "What is Asperger's/High Functioning Autism". The presenter was a local representative from SELPA and gave the attendees a wonderful, welcoming evening. Many parents were there and shared where they were on their journey. Some had just received a diagnosis, some were suspecting that their child may have Asperger's, and some had "almost adult" children with the diagnosis.
The reason people found themselves at the presentation was different for everyone. Some were there because they had not found support in their families, communities, or even with their current medical circles. Some were there to learn more about the diagnosis and ways to help their children. Others were there to find companionship with others who were going through the same thing. Even others were there because they wanted to guide and help other parents who were just beginning the journey.
While I found the presentation wonderful, I also enjoyed watching the other parents become enlightened through the meeting. My husband and I have already hit the point where we realize that our son is going to be ok. He just learns in a different way. There is nothing "wrong" with him and he's not "stupid" or "unteachable". He just needs to be taught differently. The acceptance and realization of this really sets you free as a parent of someone on the spectrum. It is so important that as a parent you relax a bit and let your kid LIVE. Sure, there are going to be some tough days. Anyone who has been the parent of someone on the spectrum understands that BUT.... you have to realize how many wonderful days you have, what a blessing things kids are to your life.
For me, I hit this realization in February 2009 when I miscarried at 21 weeks. I didn't naturally go into labor, but when the baby stopped moving, I knew I wasn't pregnant anymore. I had to go into the hospital and be induced to deliver the baby. It was the most pro-life experience I ever had. Yes, it was tough. But, I learned how fragile life is, how big that baby was at only halfway through the pregnancy -- and yet so tiny---, and what a blessing each life is that we are entrusted with. My journey with my son changed at that moment. It was not the burden it had been the prior year. The questions of "is he" or "isn't he" went away. It didn't matter anymore what the label was.. he was my son and I was going to help him find his way. He was MY blessing.
For me, Open Doors didn't represent a support group to realize that my son is going to be ok. For me, this presentation made me realize what I needed to "gear up for battle" in the developmental struggles that will lie ahead. We touched on kissing, dating, the "sex" talk, masturbation, whether to tell your child about their diagnosis, and learned to laugh together. Being a parent of a child with special needs still involves parenting your child, but looking at it from a different perspective. As a parent, you know your child best and you can find the best way to help your child survive in this world. Your child is working really hard all the time and sometimes you need to remember that he/she is still a child. There are bad days with "typical" kids too. Our kids are put under a microscope and every behavior, word, utterance, and movement is studied and the diagnosis is to blame. However, we as parents need to realize that these kids work HARD, are smart, and may need to learn a bit differently from others, but they also need to be allowed to just be a kid.
Showing posts with label bad days. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bad days. Show all posts
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Fever
John started running a fever yesterday. Today, when he woke up from his nap, he was "barking" in chest. I took him to the doctor and he is beginning to get croup. No wonder our week has been so bad. Most children's behavior is worse when they are sick. Autistic spectrum kids are no different. Many of the "stereotypical" behavioral patterns are worse when they are coming down with a cold, fever, or sickness of some sort. Our week has been terrible after such a good first two weeks of school. I feel bad for the little guy. Daddy comes home from his business trip on Saturday. Can life please return to "normal"!!!??? Thank you.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Rough Days
Today John ran a fever. This could explain some of his erratic behavior over the last couple of days. I've noticed that when anything out of the ordinary makes John not feel well, the stereotypical behavior is brought to the forefront. With my husband out of town on business and John coming down with something, we have had a rough day every day since Monday.
Today, John was triggered when my mom wasn't staying for dinner. He wanted her to eat with us, but she was heading to her home to eat. He purposely spilled his orange juice, which then set him off, bolting to another room, spinning in circles, crying and disrupting "order" by taking balls out of the ball pit and throwing them. He was put in a time out, but wouldn't stand against the wall and ran to the freezer, opening and closing the door. A second attempt sent him bolting to the ball pit, throwing his whole body clumsily into the edge and over the top, laying very still saying "mommy don't take me out. no time out." I told him he had a few minutes to calm down and then he needed to finish the time out. It took coaxing and a stronger will than his and I managed to get through the time out. As soon as the timer beeped, the smile appeared on his face and he came to me for the hug. The beep of the timer not only ends the time out, but is ending the behavior. I need to use that.
Today, John was triggered when my mom wasn't staying for dinner. He wanted her to eat with us, but she was heading to her home to eat. He purposely spilled his orange juice, which then set him off, bolting to another room, spinning in circles, crying and disrupting "order" by taking balls out of the ball pit and throwing them. He was put in a time out, but wouldn't stand against the wall and ran to the freezer, opening and closing the door. A second attempt sent him bolting to the ball pit, throwing his whole body clumsily into the edge and over the top, laying very still saying "mommy don't take me out. no time out." I told him he had a few minutes to calm down and then he needed to finish the time out. It took coaxing and a stronger will than his and I managed to get through the time out. As soon as the timer beeped, the smile appeared on his face and he came to me for the hug. The beep of the timer not only ends the time out, but is ending the behavior. I need to use that.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Documenting - September 2009
It's been awhile since I've written, and one reason that brought me back was the documentation journal that this blog provided me. The other is the outlet to get it all off my chest.
The summer overall was rough as we began seeing behavioral problems surface in John that we hadn't had before. We have analyzed each week with our own interpretations, biases, and "Best Guesses". Some of the reasonings we used were the lack of schedule and routine, too much high fructose corn syrup in his diet, a delayed developmental phase of terrible twos that appeared inappropriate for our almost 4-year old son, John discovering and learning where the discipline line was, etc.
Some of the things we have begun to see are:
The doctor suggested a few things - speech therapy, occupational therapy to deal with sensory issues, an in home educator who can help with behavior issues, separation issues from me (since he was having a hard time at the end of the school year with fleeing to the parking lot looking for me, or wandering to Katie's classroom to find her), and a one-on-one aide in the classroom. We are also set to see an Orthopedist at the end of September for his ankles because she does agree that his ankles seem to be too floppy, no muscle tone, and are growing wrong.
Well, that all sounds fine, but when you are denied service, all of the cost for that therapy comes out of pocket. Occupational therapy is recommended 2 times a week at one hour each. I have been quoted up to $190/hour for this service. (that would be almost $400 a week for OT alone) We opted for an in-home teacher at $65/hour to get started.
We enrolled John at two preschools. On Monday and Friday, he goes to the school he went to last year, but we put him in with his own age. Last year, we put him in with the kids who were learning to talk since speech was so new, but he was with kids 1-1.5 years younger than him. So, this year, he is still the oldest in his class, but he's with the kids that turn 4 this school year. He's also at La Verne Parent Participation Preschool (LVPPP) on Tuesday and Thursday.
The first 2 weeks of school were awesome! He was soooo good! Anxiety caused him to chew on his shirt during class, but he had NO OTHER ISSUES at all!!! He has even got to a point where he is close to being potty trained again. It was even reported to me that he consoled a girl who was crying because she got hurt and he told her he'd hold her hand until she felt better. (He actually noticed someone else upset, recognized it, made the effort to socialize, and accurately followed through - way to go John!) Last Friday, Bonita Unified School District special education came and observed him because I appealed the IEP (Individualized Education Plan) last June. He did well that day.
Last Thursday, my husband left for a business trip in China and John came down with a cold. We've been trying to video conference through Skype so the kids can see Bill. John really likes it. The last two days have been draining. When we arrived at preschool, John began riding the bike around the playground the wrong way. He was corrected and told to go the right way. He got off his bike and began walking backwards around the playground, making his way to the bathroom. I was talking to his teacher and I saw this. I followed him, afraid he was looking to run down the hall. Instead, he said he had to go poopy. So, I stepped back to let him go. He started flushing the toilets over and over. I went over to him and asked him what was wrong. He wouldn't look at me and didn't say much. He said he wanted to wash his hands "all by himself" and then go home, so I told him I would sit on the bench and wait for him to wash his hands. then I would let him play on the playground and I would not leave him. I sat on the bench right outside the bathroom door as he watched me. He then turned to the sink and began angrily pushing the soap dispenser making a huge soapy mess in the bathroom. I ran back in and began cleaning it asking him what was wrong and he took off running down the hall. I finally found him in a classroom just standing near a shelf. He told me "I'm having a hard time. School is too crowded". I told him we'd go home.
At home, I set up an obstacle course in the living room, creating a surface to run through out of a memory foam mattress (which we called the mud), had him climb over the ottoman (the mountain), jump into the 4 hula loops laying on the ground, crawl on the box springs of the couch, slide down a cushion, push two exercise balls across the room, and bounce 10 times on another bouncy ball. He did this about 4 or 5 times, each time getting more and more tired. I made him finish the last one, which was a struggle (he went to his room wanting a nap), but he was very excited when he finished his last "Lap", asking for high tens, saying "I DID IT".
Today, he had LVPPP. He was excited to go because it was his share day. Each kid gets one day where they get to take the share bag home and are given a special color. They have to bring 5 objects that are that color and share it with the class. John got blue so he got to bring legos, Thomas the Train, a book, a post office wooden structure we have, and a car. He was ready. We got to school and he was supposed to "sign" in, a ritual they have the kids do. He was signing in the wrong area and he was corrected. He started "stabbing" the paper with the marker, then scribbled all over it, pushed the table around and then started writing all over the floor. I went to grab him and begun cleaning it up, when he ran to the other side of the classroom and started throwing the blocks all around the room. Parents were staring in shock, while the teacher and I dealt with it. A little girl came up to John and told him that he shouldn't throw when he's mad. The teacher is very good with John and she turned to me and told me she would call me if he wasn't doing well. I left and John had a few "sensory" things come up (where he wanted to use his hands in the paint instead of brushes, took off his shoes in the sand, etc.), but no more behavioral issues.
Tonight at home, John became out of control again, running around the house, destroying order and organization. I gave him a time out, during which, he was jumping up and down, throwing himself on the floor, and carrying on. I kept adding a minute every time he'd bang his head or slam his hands on the wall. Once the timer went off, the tears stopped, a huge smile came over his face and he ran to me for his "after time out hug". It's almost as if the timer beep is what he can use to bring the anger under control.
What I didn't know until later today was that Bonita Unified School district showed up yesterday at his preschool again for a second day of observation, that I was unaware of. She called today because she heard I had to take John home. So, I told her about the last two days. They are gong to observe him again next Monday.
I'm a video editor and I'm working on a large project on a Documentary on the Life of Fr. Damien. He is being named a Saint in October. We received a St. Damien medal recently and John has taken a fond interest in it. I also made duplications for a priest of the Damien chaplets with the prayers and songs you can say to Damien, asking him to pray to God and intercede on your behalf. The chaplets I made were on CD, so every once in awhile, I pull one out of the bunch and put it in to make sure the duplication burn was good. So, John has heard it play a lot. He learned the song before I did. He now takes his Damien medal to bed with him, and sings the song. I pray with him and it's cute to hear him ask Jesus and Fr. Damien for a "marigold" (miracle). I want to help John so much. He is doing so well from where we began 18 months ago, gaining speech, cognitive skills, reading skills, etc. But, emotionally, he's lost. There is this cloud that comes over him, his sensory information gets in the way at times, and he is out of sorts. I feel so bad for him and just want more than anything to give him peace and take away the anxiety he feels. The best I can do for him right now is pray that he gets his marigold.
The summer overall was rough as we began seeing behavioral problems surface in John that we hadn't had before. We have analyzed each week with our own interpretations, biases, and "Best Guesses". Some of the reasonings we used were the lack of schedule and routine, too much high fructose corn syrup in his diet, a delayed developmental phase of terrible twos that appeared inappropriate for our almost 4-year old son, John discovering and learning where the discipline line was, etc.
Some of the things we have begun to see are:
- bolting to a different room in the house when something is upsetting, and "destroying" organization in that room, whether that be dumping books, blocks, or toys on the floor, ripping up paper, spilling a glass of juice on purpose, pushing the ice maker dispenser button so ice hits the floor, or banging a toy on a glass window.
- out of control emotional responses to his feelings
- inability to re-gain composure with an intense emotional meltdown that includes hurting himself during discipline (bumping head on wall, slamming hands on different surfaces)
- anger management issues
- Emotional responses leading to above behavior when someone tells him he can't do something
- whimpering and withdrawing when triggered
- preference to go to sleep when upset (another withdrawing sign)
- Disinterest in potty training anymore, regressing to almost infancy again
- Pushing mattress off bed and sleeping on box springs, preferring the weight of the mattress on legs and back at times (sensory pressure)
- Fleeing in opposite direction in public when he was upset and didn't want to be where we were, with no regard for safety
The doctor suggested a few things - speech therapy, occupational therapy to deal with sensory issues, an in home educator who can help with behavior issues, separation issues from me (since he was having a hard time at the end of the school year with fleeing to the parking lot looking for me, or wandering to Katie's classroom to find her), and a one-on-one aide in the classroom. We are also set to see an Orthopedist at the end of September for his ankles because she does agree that his ankles seem to be too floppy, no muscle tone, and are growing wrong.
Well, that all sounds fine, but when you are denied service, all of the cost for that therapy comes out of pocket. Occupational therapy is recommended 2 times a week at one hour each. I have been quoted up to $190/hour for this service. (that would be almost $400 a week for OT alone) We opted for an in-home teacher at $65/hour to get started.
We enrolled John at two preschools. On Monday and Friday, he goes to the school he went to last year, but we put him in with his own age. Last year, we put him in with the kids who were learning to talk since speech was so new, but he was with kids 1-1.5 years younger than him. So, this year, he is still the oldest in his class, but he's with the kids that turn 4 this school year. He's also at La Verne Parent Participation Preschool (LVPPP) on Tuesday and Thursday.
The first 2 weeks of school were awesome! He was soooo good! Anxiety caused him to chew on his shirt during class, but he had NO OTHER ISSUES at all!!! He has even got to a point where he is close to being potty trained again. It was even reported to me that he consoled a girl who was crying because she got hurt and he told her he'd hold her hand until she felt better. (He actually noticed someone else upset, recognized it, made the effort to socialize, and accurately followed through - way to go John!) Last Friday, Bonita Unified School District special education came and observed him because I appealed the IEP (Individualized Education Plan) last June. He did well that day.
Last Thursday, my husband left for a business trip in China and John came down with a cold. We've been trying to video conference through Skype so the kids can see Bill. John really likes it. The last two days have been draining. When we arrived at preschool, John began riding the bike around the playground the wrong way. He was corrected and told to go the right way. He got off his bike and began walking backwards around the playground, making his way to the bathroom. I was talking to his teacher and I saw this. I followed him, afraid he was looking to run down the hall. Instead, he said he had to go poopy. So, I stepped back to let him go. He started flushing the toilets over and over. I went over to him and asked him what was wrong. He wouldn't look at me and didn't say much. He said he wanted to wash his hands "all by himself" and then go home, so I told him I would sit on the bench and wait for him to wash his hands. then I would let him play on the playground and I would not leave him. I sat on the bench right outside the bathroom door as he watched me. He then turned to the sink and began angrily pushing the soap dispenser making a huge soapy mess in the bathroom. I ran back in and began cleaning it asking him what was wrong and he took off running down the hall. I finally found him in a classroom just standing near a shelf. He told me "I'm having a hard time. School is too crowded". I told him we'd go home.
At home, I set up an obstacle course in the living room, creating a surface to run through out of a memory foam mattress (which we called the mud), had him climb over the ottoman (the mountain), jump into the 4 hula loops laying on the ground, crawl on the box springs of the couch, slide down a cushion, push two exercise balls across the room, and bounce 10 times on another bouncy ball. He did this about 4 or 5 times, each time getting more and more tired. I made him finish the last one, which was a struggle (he went to his room wanting a nap), but he was very excited when he finished his last "Lap", asking for high tens, saying "I DID IT".
Today, he had LVPPP. He was excited to go because it was his share day. Each kid gets one day where they get to take the share bag home and are given a special color. They have to bring 5 objects that are that color and share it with the class. John got blue so he got to bring legos, Thomas the Train, a book, a post office wooden structure we have, and a car. He was ready. We got to school and he was supposed to "sign" in, a ritual they have the kids do. He was signing in the wrong area and he was corrected. He started "stabbing" the paper with the marker, then scribbled all over it, pushed the table around and then started writing all over the floor. I went to grab him and begun cleaning it up, when he ran to the other side of the classroom and started throwing the blocks all around the room. Parents were staring in shock, while the teacher and I dealt with it. A little girl came up to John and told him that he shouldn't throw when he's mad. The teacher is very good with John and she turned to me and told me she would call me if he wasn't doing well. I left and John had a few "sensory" things come up (where he wanted to use his hands in the paint instead of brushes, took off his shoes in the sand, etc.), but no more behavioral issues.
Tonight at home, John became out of control again, running around the house, destroying order and organization. I gave him a time out, during which, he was jumping up and down, throwing himself on the floor, and carrying on. I kept adding a minute every time he'd bang his head or slam his hands on the wall. Once the timer went off, the tears stopped, a huge smile came over his face and he ran to me for his "after time out hug". It's almost as if the timer beep is what he can use to bring the anger under control.
What I didn't know until later today was that Bonita Unified School district showed up yesterday at his preschool again for a second day of observation, that I was unaware of. She called today because she heard I had to take John home. So, I told her about the last two days. They are gong to observe him again next Monday.
I'm a video editor and I'm working on a large project on a Documentary on the Life of Fr. Damien. He is being named a Saint in October. We received a St. Damien medal recently and John has taken a fond interest in it. I also made duplications for a priest of the Damien chaplets with the prayers and songs you can say to Damien, asking him to pray to God and intercede on your behalf. The chaplets I made were on CD, so every once in awhile, I pull one out of the bunch and put it in to make sure the duplication burn was good. So, John has heard it play a lot. He learned the song before I did. He now takes his Damien medal to bed with him, and sings the song. I pray with him and it's cute to hear him ask Jesus and Fr. Damien for a "marigold" (miracle). I want to help John so much. He is doing so well from where we began 18 months ago, gaining speech, cognitive skills, reading skills, etc. But, emotionally, he's lost. There is this cloud that comes over him, his sensory information gets in the way at times, and he is out of sorts. I feel so bad for him and just want more than anything to give him peace and take away the anxiety he feels. The best I can do for him right now is pray that he gets his marigold.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Bad Days
Wow! I can't believe how long since I've written on here. Therapy appointments, a new Facebook addiction, and the holiday season have kept me from updating this page.
I have been concentrating on John's progress and the success's we have had since beginning early intervention. ( see 2 posts below for John's progress under "Neurofeedback Testimonial" ) Today, I want to take the time to talk about the struggles we have in raising a child with Autism. Since beginning early intervention, we have had extreme highs and dramatic lows.
A few days ago John had 3 meltdowns in the afternoon. These are not temper tantrums, but emotional meltdowns. Many times with autistic children, if anything is slightly 'off', if they feel sick, or they are having trouble figuring out their emotional state, they have these meltdowns.
For John, it began at naptime the other day. It's the kind of meltdown where the tears won't stop, you can't console the child, he can get hysterical, the cries turn to screams, and there is no apparent reason why he is upset. He appears uncomfortable, constantly moving and wriggling. Holding him is almost impossible because he doesn't want to be comforted. Talking to him makes the screams get louder. Rocking him makes him irritable. Time only makes the rage worse. As a parent, you go through a wide range of emotions during the meltdown. It starts with compassion and a sense of wanting to calm him down. Frustration creeps in as the meltdown continues. As his anger builds and you try everything to calm him down, your anger builds, as you try to remind yourself that getting upset is not going to help this situation. At some point, I begin to wonder what kind of impact episodes like this has on Katie, who is laying in her bed, one bedroom away, trying to take her nap. The next emotion you feel is failure and somtimes you begin crying with him, wondering why he has to be this way.
A few days ago, the first meltdown ended 40 minutes later when he became so tired and just fell asleep. He slept for an hour, while I re-charged for round two. The second he woke up, he picked up from where he left off. This time I couldn't stick with it. I called my mom, frustrated and felt like I just didn't know what to do. I had him on the lounge chair with a blanket, with his shirt off. He ripped it off at some point and wouldn't let me put another one on. I think restraining him would have been the only way to get the shirt on, but I had no energy for that battle and decided that if he wanted his shirt off, he knew better than me on this one. He wanted to bury his head in my shoulder and cry. He kept sobbing and wanted to pinch me under the armpits. His hand kept making its way into my shirt and I kept taking it out, which infuriated him, but I wasn't going to let him hurt me. I kept thinking to myself that this kid is only 3 years old and I'm the adult. My mom stopped by and when the door opened, he stopped crying and just looked at her. She walked in and said one word and the crying continued. She offered to hold him and he screamed "mama" and wouldn't let go of me. After another 15 minutes, he fell asleep on lap while my mom and I were talking. She left and I let him sleep on me for a half an hour and then I rolled him onto the couch. He stayed there for 2 hours. He never sleeps that long in the daytime, but he wore himself out.
When he woke up, he wasn't very happy and cried a little bit more. This time I had reinforcement --- Bill had come home from work. He responds better to Bill at times --- I think John gives me the worst of it. He wouldn't eat dinner, but we had to go out. Putting him in the car and eventually stopping at McDonalds changed his mood and he slept well that night.
Episodes like this are becoming a lot less frequent. In fact, we haven't had one of these in a very long time. But, it reminds me of where we came from. As a baby and up until last year, John had these episodes almost every day at 3 or 4 o'clock. I never knew what was wrong. I blamed milk, gas, his stomach, maybe he was sick, etc., but sometimes I don't even think these kids know what is wrong. It reminds me of where we've been and although we've made tons of progress, it also reminds me of what we are dealing with. Prayer, tears, friends, family, Bill's support, and my mother are getting me through this. Now, my prayer is strength to deal with the third child that is on it's way....
I have been concentrating on John's progress and the success's we have had since beginning early intervention. ( see 2 posts below for John's progress under "Neurofeedback Testimonial" ) Today, I want to take the time to talk about the struggles we have in raising a child with Autism. Since beginning early intervention, we have had extreme highs and dramatic lows.
A few days ago John had 3 meltdowns in the afternoon. These are not temper tantrums, but emotional meltdowns. Many times with autistic children, if anything is slightly 'off', if they feel sick, or they are having trouble figuring out their emotional state, they have these meltdowns.
For John, it began at naptime the other day. It's the kind of meltdown where the tears won't stop, you can't console the child, he can get hysterical, the cries turn to screams, and there is no apparent reason why he is upset. He appears uncomfortable, constantly moving and wriggling. Holding him is almost impossible because he doesn't want to be comforted. Talking to him makes the screams get louder. Rocking him makes him irritable. Time only makes the rage worse. As a parent, you go through a wide range of emotions during the meltdown. It starts with compassion and a sense of wanting to calm him down. Frustration creeps in as the meltdown continues. As his anger builds and you try everything to calm him down, your anger builds, as you try to remind yourself that getting upset is not going to help this situation. At some point, I begin to wonder what kind of impact episodes like this has on Katie, who is laying in her bed, one bedroom away, trying to take her nap. The next emotion you feel is failure and somtimes you begin crying with him, wondering why he has to be this way.
A few days ago, the first meltdown ended 40 minutes later when he became so tired and just fell asleep. He slept for an hour, while I re-charged for round two. The second he woke up, he picked up from where he left off. This time I couldn't stick with it. I called my mom, frustrated and felt like I just didn't know what to do. I had him on the lounge chair with a blanket, with his shirt off. He ripped it off at some point and wouldn't let me put another one on. I think restraining him would have been the only way to get the shirt on, but I had no energy for that battle and decided that if he wanted his shirt off, he knew better than me on this one. He wanted to bury his head in my shoulder and cry. He kept sobbing and wanted to pinch me under the armpits. His hand kept making its way into my shirt and I kept taking it out, which infuriated him, but I wasn't going to let him hurt me. I kept thinking to myself that this kid is only 3 years old and I'm the adult. My mom stopped by and when the door opened, he stopped crying and just looked at her. She walked in and said one word and the crying continued. She offered to hold him and he screamed "mama" and wouldn't let go of me. After another 15 minutes, he fell asleep on lap while my mom and I were talking. She left and I let him sleep on me for a half an hour and then I rolled him onto the couch. He stayed there for 2 hours. He never sleeps that long in the daytime, but he wore himself out.
When he woke up, he wasn't very happy and cried a little bit more. This time I had reinforcement --- Bill had come home from work. He responds better to Bill at times --- I think John gives me the worst of it. He wouldn't eat dinner, but we had to go out. Putting him in the car and eventually stopping at McDonalds changed his mood and he slept well that night.
Episodes like this are becoming a lot less frequent. In fact, we haven't had one of these in a very long time. But, it reminds me of where we came from. As a baby and up until last year, John had these episodes almost every day at 3 or 4 o'clock. I never knew what was wrong. I blamed milk, gas, his stomach, maybe he was sick, etc., but sometimes I don't even think these kids know what is wrong. It reminds me of where we've been and although we've made tons of progress, it also reminds me of what we are dealing with. Prayer, tears, friends, family, Bill's support, and my mother are getting me through this. Now, my prayer is strength to deal with the third child that is on it's way....
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